Worst Santa Ever
by darkalbino
Summary: Would have to be Sasuke. Crack-ish two-shot, SasuNaruSasu lemon in second chapter. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
1. Worst Santa Ever: Part One

**Title:** Worst Santa Ever

**Rating:** M

**Author:** darkalbino, illi, me (me, myself and I)

Just something that popped in my head randomly this morning, and just in time for Christmas too!

**Summary:** Worst Santa ever...would have to be Sasuke. Crack-ish, SasuNaruSasu lemon in second chapter.

**Warnings:** Language, lemon, **Sasuke scarring little children - i am NOT joking. He's extremely mean and rude, PLEASE LEAVE IF YOU'RE WEAK ABOUT IT.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or the fat man who calls me a hoe and steals my cookies XP

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**xxxWorst Santa Everxxx**

Sasuke blinked twice, his mouth curving into a small smile, "That's funny, I could have sworn you just said I have to be Santa Clause."

Kakashi smiled back at his favorite employee, "Oh no Sasuke, that's not what I said."

Sasuke nodded and turned back to his current task, folding disgusting holiday sweaters and placing them on a shelf in the backroom of a clothes store.

His boss crossed his arms and smiled wider, "I said you have to _dress_ as Santa Clause."

Sasuke paused before letting out a deep chuckle, "Then in that case, I think you're joking. Because, _boss_, if you're _not_ joking, I am going to tear your balls off and use them as ornaments for the tree in front of the store."

"Bet you're regretting being the only prick not to take the holiday week off, aren't you Sasuke? You're my only employee left to do it."

Sasuke abruptly threw the vomit-green and dark purple sweater in his hands to the floor, shooting a death glare at the older man, "I am _not_ dressing up as Jolly Gay Nick."

"You make a poor case for yourself with that sentence, Sasuke, especially after last week."

Sasuke raised a brow, "What happened last week?"

"That pretty blonde boyfriend of yours that you were fucking against one of my change stalls?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Please. You got more customers coming in that day than any other this whole fucking year."

"To listen to Naruto scream 'harder baby', not to buy my merchandise."

"If I dress up like that cookie stealing bastard it would be suicide on my reputation you asshole. Not to mention free ammo for Naruto to pester me with all the time. I'm not dressing up as that child stalking fucker, no matter _how_ much you pay me to do it."

"Eight hundred dollars."

Sasuke froze.

Kakashi grinned at him, reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of 100 dollar bills, "Up front."

Sasuke stared at the money that his boss waved back and forth tantalizingly, "Okay…say I do it, no one is going to believe I'm Santa Clause."

"Why not?"

"Because the jolly fucking fatass is a _jolly fucking fatass_."

"So we'll tape the corners of your mouth to your cheeks and stuff the outfit with sweaters, problem solved."

"I don't even like kids!"

"They change every three minutes, and all you have to do is 'ho ho ho' and 'Merry Christmas' and 'what would you like this year' for each one of them."

Sasuke's lip curled. After a few moments of contemplation, he sighed in defeat, "How long do I have to do it for?"

"Five Hours."

"One!"

"Six."

"Two!"

"Eight."

"Why the fuck are you going up?! Don't you know how to fucking haggle?!"

Kakashi held up three fingers, "Three hours."

Sasuke growled and flicked his eyes to the money, "Done."

Kakashi smiled and held the cash out. Sasuke snatched it from the man's hand and stuffed it into his pocket, "Sadistic asshole."

Kakashi ruffled the teen's hair, "I love you too."

* * *

Two hours later found Sasuke sitting in a large, velvety chair in the middle of the shopping mall, a long line of children waiting to take purchase on the teen's lap.

Personally, Sasuke thought he looked like a shitty and pathetically poor excuse for a Santa Clause. His beard was fluffy white but hung sort of lopsided on his face, the sweaters stuffed into his red coat were uneven and made it look more like he was harboring fugitives than sporting a jiggly, jello-ey belly. His wig of white curls, kept in place by a Santa hat, was practically setting his scalp on fire and sending sweat droplets trickling down to his temples and cheeks. The Santa spectacles kept falling off his thin nose so he had to do without them and the large, red pants could not be tightened enough by the belt to cling to his slim hips, so he had to stay in a certain position to make sure they didn't slide off.

Kakashi had proclaimed that he looked fantastic. Even saying the perspiration was good because it made his cheeks look "rosy."

The bastard was obviously half-blind with that weird red eye of his.

Sasuke let out a grunt as the first victi- I mean…child, jumped onto his lap. He rolled his eyes and placed a hand on the back of the little brunette girl, "What do you want?" he clipped.

The girl frowned at the not so warm greeting, "Well Santa…yesterday I heard a song."

Sasuke raised a brow. Wasn't she supposed to be asking for gifts?

"It said that Mommy was kissing Santa Clause…I wanted to ask you if you were kissing my mommy last night."

Sasuke stared at the girl, mentally noting that he was indeed going to castrate his boss for putting him through this bullshit. "No," he assured, "I wasn't kissing your mommy."

The girl blinked up at him, "Oh…"

Sasuke felt a cruel smirk lay out on his lips, he whispered "I was fucking your daddy while your mommy watched and masturbated to it."

The girl's eyes widened in horror, "Oh!" even though she did not understand half the words in that statement, the tone of Santa's voice scared her enough that she flew off his lap and ran back to her mother in near tears.

Sasuke felt his smirk pull out further. Maybe Kakashi's punishment wouldn't be the removal of his genitals after all. "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" he bellowed.

You little snot brat.

The next child looked confusedly at the girl that had gone before him and climbed into Santa's lap with a tiny smile, "Santa, are you going to fly with Rudolph this year?"

Sasuke patted his stomach, whispering again, "I ate Rudolph this morning. Baked him in the oven and served him to me and my carnivorous elves."

The boy gasped and shot off his lap just as the girl did.

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS!"

You little monster.

Hey…he was kind of enjoying this.

The next was a girl who stared up at him with large, brown eyes, "Santa, is Mrs. Clause very beautiful?"

"'Mrs. Clause' is a blonde sex bombshell with a penis and a tight, round ass. This morning, I screwed Mrs. Clause on our kitchen table."

The little girl gave him a wide-eyed stare, making Sasuke wonder why she was not running off like the others, "Well?" he questioned irritably.

"Did Mrs. Clause…like that?"

Sasuke flushed brilliantly, "Uh…"

"..."

He closed his eyes and grit his teeth, "Get out of here." he ordered.

The girl tilted her head and jumped off, calmly walking back to her parents.

Okay…so that one was an odd ball out.

A boy came next, "I want a fire truck this year!"

"And I want my boyfriend to let me shove a butt plug with a fox tail attached to it in his ass and fuck him with it. If I can't have that, why should I give you a fucking fire truck?"

The child actually did cry before running away.

Ahh, there we go. "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

You spoiled little shit.

Why the hell were there people still lined up for this?

A happy little girl, "Can you get me a dolly this year Santa?"

"Can you get me an AK-47 to shoot the women who stalk me?"

The girl frowned, "N…no…"

"Get the fuck off me then, no doll for you."

Now a sobbing little girl.

A sad little boy, "My puppy just died-"

"Shit happens."

Now a sadd_er_ little boy.

Man, Sasuke thought, this day was turning out to be a blast!

* * *

Naruto hopped eagerly from one foot to the other, hands clenched before him in excitement as he peeked over the child in front of him to look at Santa, "Oh boy!" he cried, "I'm next!"

"I cannot believe you dragged me to this." Sakura muttered, shielding her face as much as she could in an effort to make it seem like she did not know the blonde moron who was right next to her. "You're seventeen years old Naruto! What the hell are you doing coming to see Santa Clause?! You know he doesn't exi-" a tan hand slapped over her mouth before she could finish her sentence.

Naruto looked frantically around at the children, making sure none of them heard before taking his hand off the girl's mouth, "Sakura! **I** know he doesn't but the kids don't! Don't say that here!"

Sakura gave a small frown and glanced guiltily at the children around her before turning her attention back to Naruto with a scowl, "Then what on earth are we doing here Naruto?" she demanded.

"Look, all I know is every year, I come sit on that fat dude's lap, tell him what I want, and I wind up getting everything I ask for. So something must be right with-"

"You dumbass!" Sakura hissed quietly, "'That fat dude' is an employee! He probably goes and tells Sasuke everything you want so he can get it for you!"

Naruto smiled, "Really?! What a sweet bastard!"

"Then why can't you just tell Sasuke what you want instead of coming here every year like a child?"

"Nah, I better not. He probably feels good about getting what I want without me even telling him."

"But…" Sakura trailed off in her retort as Naruto spun around after the child before him ran off in sobs. This Santa must be damn good; every kid has leapt away with tears of joy.

Naruto made an excited noise and practically skipped over to Santa Clause.

* * *

Sasuke had a large smirk on his face as he watched the latest victim run away, but it fell in an instant when an "oof!" escaped his lips from the next child who dropped on his lap. He snapped his head to the kid to call them a fat tub of lard but froze the second his eyes landed on the person who sat on him.

The word was out before he even had time to process it, "Naruto?" ShitfuckpenisdamnMarycrapasshole! Why the hell didn't he remember that Naruto does this every year?!

The blonde teen, who had an arm slung around the Santa dress up, gave him a curious look as his smile fell slightly, "Hey…how do you know my name?"

"Er…" Sasuke sputtered in a moment of disorientation before coughing and letting out, in the deepest voice he could muster, "HO HO HO!"

Sakura looked up. (1)

"I am Santa Clause young man, I…" Sasuke paused to search for an explanation, "I…checked…my list twice…"

Naruto raised a fine, pale brow and leaned closer to the Santa while squinting his eyes.

Sasuke quickly reared back and lifted his beard higher, "HO HO HO!" he repeated, not allowing the other male to get a good look at his features. Like hell he was going to let Naruto know his hardass party shitter of a boyfriend was dressed up as the fat cherry man. He'd never hear the end of it. "Tell me what you want for Christmas this year." Sasuke stated in a rough, hoarse tone.

Naruto tilted his head and smiled, "Well," he tipped his head back and placed a finger on his chin, "let me think about it for a sec."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Leave it to Naruto to come ask for stuff without even knowing what he wants.

The Uchiha began tapping his fingers against the arm of his chair when suddenly, a loud gasp tore from his throat.

Naruto, in his deep thought process, had unconsciously begun rocking back and forth ever so slowly on Santa's lap, his firm ass sliding over a thinly covered Sasuke penis hidden beneath baggy red pants.

Fuuuuck.

Sasuke's fingernails curled into his palms as "little Sasuke" said, "Hey, I recognize that delicious ass, it swallows me quite often." And slowly started to join the party.

Naruto circled his hips and pushed down, causing Sasuke a sharp intake of breath, "You know…I can't really think of anything that I want this year, I've already got what I want most." He placed his hand back on Sasuke's knee and pushed his bum down harder.

Despite the effects they were having, Naruto's movements were actually pretty inconspicuous to anyone but Sasuke. He grit his teeth to hold back a moan, forcing his hips against the chair to fight down the urge to thrust them upwards.

The idiot better not be doing this shit on all the other Santa laps. Christmas was indeed going to be very _red_ holiday if he was.

"Good friends," Naruto continued, unconcerned with Sasuke's predicament, "a nice home…an awesome boyfriend who's a fucking animal in the sack." He paused and looked at Santa, still rolling his lower half softly, "I don't get a naughty check for saying the f-word, do I?"

Sasuke shook his head rapidly, desperate to get the blonde off…and himself.

Naruto grinned and leaned close to other, "My boyfriend's into some weird kinky shit, maybe I can get something for _him_ instead."

Sasuke bit his lip, trying to ignore the seductive teen on his lap and will away his raging hard-on.

Dead puppies.

…Nothing. He didn't give a shit about puppies.

Naruto chuckled and bounced once on Sasuke's lap, making it seem as though he were adjusting himself. Sasuke groaned softly, bringing a fist to his mouth and biting it, and Naruto pressed on "Maybe you can get him those fuzzy handcuffs he wants so badly."

Nails on a chalkboard…wait, who the hell has chalkboards anymore?

"Or maybe those nipple clamps-"

"Hey! My kid wants to see Santa too, blondie!"

Both Sasuke and Naruto looked back at the screeching woman. Naruto in annoyance and Sasuke in half-murder/death glare and half-grateful beyond all comprehension gaze.

Naruto clicked his tongue and smiled at Santa, "So I'll be looking forward to those. And I hope you enjoyed the lap dance." he moved forward and whispered, "Every new Santa gets one."

"WHAT?!" Sasuke hollered, but was distracted as he quickly covered his erection when the blonde jumped off of him.

Naruto went back to Sakura and waved at Santa before walking off with her.

Sasuke clenched his teeth and growled deep in his throat.

EVERY NEW SANTA?! WHAT THE **FUCK**!

Someone was in for a rough ass pounding tonight…

Sasuke was contemplating fucking the blonde against a hard, scratchy rock later when he realized that there was another child coming towards him…and he was still hard.

'_SHIT! Uh- rap music –no- Er- Twilight! Wait no – I haven't even read the damn thing! Uh – two naked girls having sex in a phone booth!'_

…Ah, that did it.

The child, around 12 perhaps, with a scarf about his neck and brown hair, hopped on Sasuke's _soft_ lap, beaming up at him, "Santa, I want a girlfriend this year. "

Sasuke's brow slowly crinkled on his forehead, "…"

"…"

"…You disgust me." He sort of accidentally-on-purpose shoved the kid off, "Merry fucking Christmas you little hetero horror. Now get out."

The boy welled up with tears and was forever scarred by Santa Clause as he ran back to his father.

Sasuke snorted and looked at his watch.

"Hey" he mumbled, "it's twenty minutes past stop time." With that, he grabbed the hem of his pants and held them up as he stood up from the chair and started back to Kakashi's store.

But a sudden outburst of "Heys" and "what the hells" stopped him in his tracks. He turned back slightly to find fuming parents and teary eyed children.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned fully, "What?"

"What about my gifts?" a little girl piped.

"Yeah, and I didn't wait in this line for over an hour to have Santa walk out on my kid!" a father yelled angrily.

"You can't leave yet!" protested a boy.

"Watch me." Sasuke deadpanned, turning back around.

"Santa no!"

"Don't go!"

"Santa!"

"SANTA!"

SANT A SANTA SANTA!

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke howled, spinning back around and yanking his beard off, "There is no fucking Santa!" He threw his beard on the floor.

A girl's lip trembled, "No…no Santa?"

A collective gasp and parents clamped their hands over their children's ears, "Lies! Don't listen to him children!"

"Yeah! And you know what else? No fucking Easter Bunny either!"

"Why are you so cruel?!" a mother cried.

"I'm not cruel, I'm honest…okay maybe a little cruel, but mostly honest."

"Well you don't have to be so damn honest!" she spat back.

Sasuke shrugged, "Fine. The Tooth Fairy? She's a prostitute that works on Eighth Street for fifty cents a job."

"OH!"

Sasuke smirked and turned back around, walking away as he waved a hand in the air, "HAPPY FRIKIN HOLIDAYS!"

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**(1) **lol, a hoe joke about Sakura, I couldn't help myself, sorry XD

I know! HE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE! for the love of god, don't flame me for it, i warned you all.

chapter two does have a lemon, i didn't put it here because...well it didn't really fit into this chapter. I could possibly have it up by Christmas if some readers decide to- ahem -you know, click that pretty little review button as a Christmas Gift to me 9.9

~HAPPY HOLIDAYS~

darkalbino


	2. Worst Santa Ever: Part Two

Hoh snap, over eighty reviews in one day?

…you people are moral-less scumbag…

**AND GOD DO I LOVE YOU FOR IT! XD THANK YOU SO MUCH! =D**

This chapter kinda…went away with itself, meaning it came out completely different from how I originally intended…

Meaning the lemon is very…lemony ~blushblushblush~ =O.O=

So read at thy own peril….

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**xxxWorst Santa Everxxx**

Sasuke breathed a curse as he hooked a candy cane onto the nearly bare Christmas tree in front of him.

Kakashi hadn't been too thrilled about Sasuke shattering the hopes and dreams of little children…but was more pressed on the fact that it drove away their parents and their parents' money from his store, since Sasuke worked there.

So he'd taken the liberty of removing every ornament on their Christmas tree –the same one Sasuke had threatened to hang Kakashi's balls off of- and placing it in the backroom for Sasuke to decorate all over again.

Why you ask? Because Sasuke deserved punishment for his evil sick ways and the Uchiha absolutely loathed placing shiny objects on foliage. Really, he did.

"Stupid fucked up little dwarfs and their stupid fucking fantasy characters." And really, people wondered why he was gay?

He hurled the snowflake ornament in his hand at the wall, "I fucking hate making plants pretty!" He glared at the tree in front of him, just standing there all…green and what not, "Who the fuck are you trying to look pretty for anyway?!" He hollered at the tree, "No one's gonna fuck you! It doesn't matter how much attractive shiny shit I hang on you! You know why goddamnit?! Because you're a fucking PLANT, _that's_ why!" He kicked the tree and it just teetered and set back into place.

Sasuke flushed, embarrassed at having been unable to knock down an inanimate object, "…Stupid greenery" he mumbled.

Sasuke snorted and picked up a solid color ball from the box of ornaments, "And you," he growled, "who the fuck wastes their time weaving a fucking rainbow of balls? You know where _you_ belong?" he flung the ball in the same direction as the snowflake, "In a gay pride parade!"

He looked down at the box, "Screw all of you! Useless shit! That's what you are!" he kicked the whole box for extra measure.

It merely slid a few inches across the floor.

"Jeez Uchiha, is it really all that?"

Sasuke flinched and spun around, coming face to face with a grinning blonde who was leaning against the door frame. He fought down a heavy blush, "What are you doing here you idiot?"

Naruto stepped inside, "What?" he kicked the door shut and crossed his arms, "Can't visit my boyfriend at work? You certainly weren't complaining last week."

Sasuke snorted and eyed the other male.

He was wearing an orange turtle neck with black jeans, quite a contrast to Sasuke's white T-shirt and blue jeans. "It's Christmas you moron, not Halloween."

Naruto blinked and looked down at himself for a second, "Sorry fashion police, I'll check with you next time before I decide what to wear."

Sasuke sniffed and turned away from him, going back for the ornament box to finish his job.

"In fact," Naruto purred, "I'll check _twice_."

Sasuke froze, his head snapping to the other teen, "What'd you say?"

Naruto snorted a laugh and crossed his arms, "So, where's the outfit?"

Burned up in a corner somewhere hopefully. "What are you talking about you dumbass?"

"Give it up Sasuke, like I don't know my own boyfriend's face." He walked up to Sasuke, "I knew it was you the second I saw your eyes, stupid bastard."

Sasuke scowled at him, "Good job. Want a fucking brownie?" he spat, then moved to squat next to the box but Naruto caught his arm before he could do so, "What are you being bitchy about? I won't tell anyone Sasuke, don't get your panties in a twist."

Sasuke jerked his arm out of the grasp, "Whatever. Why don't you go dance on some 'new Santa's' lap?"

Naruto lifted a brow and suddenly burst into laughter, "Oh man, seriously Sasuke? Is that what you're pissing acid over? I was just fucking with you. The only thighs my ass has ever danced on are yours."

Sasuke jerked slightly, and then gave the blonde a suspicious look.

Naruto rolled his eyes, "C'mon ice princess, you know me better than that." He grinned, "And I was also fucking around about the nipple clamps-"

"What?!" Sasuke shouted in disbelief, "But you-"

Naruto held up a finger, "The cuffs, I'm willing to consider, if you leave the clamps alone."

"And the-"

"No."

"You didn't even-"

"No fucking _butt plugs_ Sasuke."

"…" Sasuke's head hung in defeat.

Naruto once again lolled his gaze, landing on the box of ornaments. He cocked his head and lifted a foot, using it to pull the box over to his feet, "So what's your problem with Christmas ornaments anyway?" He looked up at his boyfriend, finding him glaring in annoyance at the box. "I mean, I love decorating stuff. What's the problem?"

"Yeah, I expect that from you Naruto." Sasuke drawled, "You do a lot of things that are stupid and pointless."

Naruto chuckled softly at the insult before moving closer to the other male, "But decorating is so much fun Sasuke, how can you not enjoy it?"

Sasuke crossed his arms and stared down at his lover.

Naruto scoffed and crossed his own arms mockingly, "Should I _show_ you how fun it is?" he offered.

Sasuke quirked a brow and relaxed slightly, indicating that Naruto had caught his interest.

Naruto smiled and nodded. "Well, first," he uncrossed his arms and reached forward for Sasuke's shirt, crushing the fabric in his fingers and yanking the older boy to his chest, "you have to cut the tree down to size."

Naruto tugged Sasuke down to press their mouths in a kiss, his hands sliding down and slipping under Sasuke's shirt as he parted his lips to allow Sasuke entrance. His fingers skimmed up Sasuke's flat stomach, his warm chest, bringing the shirt up to their chins.

Sasuke raised his arms and broke the kiss so Naruto could pull off his shirt, then cupped the blonde's face and kissed him again as the garment was tossed aside. He felt a moist tongue pushing against the seam of his lips and opened to oblige the questing muscle. Hands that were not his own fumbled at his jeans, popping the silver button right before the telltale sound of a pulled zipper was heard.

Sasuke grunted as the kiss was torn and his jeans quickly slid down his legs, leaving him in dark blue boxers. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them away, then watched with a dry mouth as Naruto grasped the hem of his turtleneck and pulled it over his head before dropping it on the ground, revealing a smooth, caramel chest for Sasuke's pleasurable viewing.

The blonde grabbed Sasuke by the arm and flung him against the shelves beside the tree. Then he kicked the box over to Sasuke's feet and walked up to him, "Get on the floor" he ordered breathlessly.

Sasuke smirked, "Well well, someone's being a demanding little bitch today."

Naruto groaned and hooked one hand under Sasuke's knee, "Ass. On. Floor." he repeated before tugging Sasuke's leg so the pale boy practically dropped to his rump on the carpeted ground.

Naruto grinned and dove to his knees. He took hold of Sasuke's sides with both hands, wrenching him forward and lowering his head to a pink nipple while Sasuke arched away from the shelf. The blonde licked his lips and the nub vanished between them.

Sasuke moaned loudly as a hot tongue pressed against and circled around his nipple, coaxing it to hardness. The light close of teeth around the sensitive flesh made him gasp and buck, his member straining through his boxers as blood roared in his ears.

Suddenly, he was harshly shoved back into the shelf. He gave Naruto a questioning and annoyed glare, "What?" he clipped.

Naruto held his gaze as he swirled his tongue around an erect nipple, then lifted his head, "You can't move."

Sasuke's brow furrowed, "Why?"

Naruto snickered and reached beside them, grabbing a red ball from the ornament box and shoving his finger through the circle of thread used to hang it, "Because Sasuke" he said, spinning the ball around his finger, "trees don't move."

Sasuke watched curiously as Naruto's hand moved to hang the ball from Sasuke's nipple.

The Uchiha's eyes widened at the erotic display and he hissed at the added weight, "And what if I move?" he asked between gritted teeth.

"If you move," Naruto warned, "I'll get up and walk right out of here."

"The fuck Naruto?! And you're bitching about a fucking butt plug?! The fuck you're gonna 'walk right out of here!'"

Naruto grinned at him, "Try me asshole."

Sasuke shot the other a challenging stare before exhaling through his nose and rolling his eyes.

Naruto's grin grew wider and he leaned down once more, holding onto Sasuke's gaze as he wrapped his mouth around the other nipple.

Sasuke bit his tongue and forced his body not to move, nearly shivering from the effort.

Naruto's tongue snaked around the nub and he pulled back, making sure Sasuke watched as he flicked the muscle over it and traced the tip around it again and again.

Right before Sasuke was about to snap, Naruto stopped. He reached into the box and pulled out a heart shaped ornament before hanging it on Sasuke's left nipple, earning another hiss. Naruto smirked, "What's wrong baby?" he cooed, reaching back into the box, "Can't handle it?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to retort but his jaw went slack when Naruto pulled out a long, red ribbon that was about two inches in width. His chest was already heaving with both the weight of the ornaments and the desire that pulsed through his veins.

Naruto chuckled and dipped his fingers into Sasuke's boxers, which had a dark stain in the front from the pre-cum beading at the head of Sasuke's penis. Naruto 'tsked' and looked up at him, "Cumming already? I've barely touched you, you horny bastard."

Sasuke's features were flushed a faint red as he scowled at his lover, "You gonna do something with that or what?"

Naruto glanced at the ribbon in his hand, as if he'd forgotten it was even there, "Well, yeah…now that you mention it." He smirked, "We can't have you spraying so soon, now can we?"

Coal eyes widened as tan hands worked to tie the ribbon around the base of Sasuke's leaking shaft, leaving it in a pretty little bow and separating the tails to expose Sasuke's balls. "There" Naruto beamed proudly at his work.

Sasuke began panting heavily, and tossed his head back to hit it against the shelf, his arms came up to rest his elbows on the shelf behind him, careful not too move to much and let the ornaments fall, "And exactly how long do I have to be like this?" he asked in a nearly desperate tone.

Naruto laughed quietly and stood up, "Sucks, doesn't it baby?" He undid his jeans and tugged them off along with his underwear. Before he got back down, he took a moment to admire his handiwork.

Sasuke sitting board straight against the shelves, two different ornaments hanging off two erect, pink nipples with his arms bent and spread out on the shelf. A red bow that matched the angry red head of the dick that it was lovingly wrapped around. Not to mention Sasuke's entire, beautifully sculpted and moon kissed body was flushed and spread out before him like fucking eye candy. His legs bent up so his feet rested on the floor.

He didn't care what anyone said, Naruto was dating a fucking sex god come to earth.

Naruto leered at the boy and once again got on his knees. He lightly pulled at Sasuke's legs to get them stretched out in front of him, then straddled the Uchiha and raised himself on his knees.

Sasuke felt his heartbeat quicken as Naruto wrapped a tan hand around his own dripping cock, half surprised the smaller heart on top of his did not start thrumming in response to his own. He bit the inside of his cheek when that hand began to slowly work up and down the thick erection, fingers winding back and forth over the hard organ, pumping it.

Naruto grinned wide and leaned over the older boy, resting his free arm on the shelf as the other continued fondling himself. He stared down at Sasuke, who tilted his head slightly to stare up at him, "Bet you wish this was your mouth, don't you, Sasuke? Moving over my dick, sucking on it." He brushed his lips against Sasuke's, "Tasting my cum on your tongue. Tasting _me_. And I'd make you swallow it too."

Sasuke had to fight to keep his breathing from falling apart anymore than it might have already. He licked his lips, as the dirty talk had done a spectacular job of drying them up.

Naruto chuckled and pumped himself faster, dripping pre-cum on Sasuke's stomach, "Look at this." He breathed, "I'm being so fucking naughty, and '_Santa Clause'_" he pushed the tip of his erection into Sasuke's navel, as if he was pointing to him with it, "can't do a _damn_ thing about it."

Sasuke released a shaky breath, absolutely saturated with lust and need, "Naruto…"

Naruto smirked down at him, "That's my name." He moved his hand from his length and once again reached into the box, pulling out a candy cane this time.

Sasuke felt an almost painful pressure at the base of his cock when Naruto unwrapped the cane and slid the treat nearly all the way into his mouth, only leaving the hooked portion out. He curled his index finger around it and slowly pulled the candy back out, dragging it to the tip before sliding it back in once more. Naruto repeated this action again and again, his eyes on Sasuke's the entire time.

Then, without warning, Naruto turned around so he was on all fours, presenting his ass to Sasuke. He spread his legs far apart, revealing that pink, puckered hole that Sasuke would travel to hell and back just to bury himself inside of.

He felt his excitement spike, "Can I-"

"Not yet." Naruto growled, cutting him off.

Sasuke scowled in annoyance and anger at the response. But his expression quickly shifted to one of shock and awe as Naruto's hand came around with the slickened candy cane, and pushed the blunt tip straight into the tight passage.

Naruto moaned loudly and arched downward, sliding the cane in little by little until it was only that same finger curled around the curved end.

Sasuke's mouth had dropped open, and his hips were thrusting shallowly into the air, futilely searching for some friction to ease to pressure off his erection.

Naruto hissed as the peppermint stung around his hole, and started sliding it in and out of himself, biting his lip to hold down a sharp cry as he struck his prostate. He started moving the cane in a wide circle, stretching himself but careful not to put too much pressure lest he break it.

Another jab at his sweet spot sent him into a mini convulsion, and he pulled the cane out before he came prematurely.

Sasuke was a panting, damn near hyperventilating wreck behind him, "For God's sake Naruto!" he screamed, "Get the fuck over here!"

Naruto couldn't agree more. He was actually surprised that Sasuke had lasted this long at all.

The blonde hastily moved back, raising himself over Sasuke as the Uchiha brought his own legs back up and groaned deeply when Naruto finally, _finally_ took hold of his shaft and lowered himself on it. Pushing the engorged and cum saturated head into his hole, and with a few grunts and some minimal effort, Naruto was cradled in Sasuke's pelvis, his lover's manhood swallowed deep inside of him.

"Fuck yeah" Naruto breathed, leaning back into Sasuke's chest and effectively knocking the ornaments off their holding places.

Sasuke took this as "the no moving rule is broken" and suddenly curled his arms under Naruto's knees, jerking them up and back as his hips pivoted upwards to pound mercilessly into the blonde.

Naruto cried out and dropped the candy cane that he had still been holding; his hands grabbed at Sasuke's knees in front of him as he forced himself down on the thick cock inside of him, feeling it stretch him with a delicious pressure.

Sasuke released a stuttering gasp and pulled Naruto's legs up further, tangling his fingers into blonde hair and jerking his head back harshly, "The ribbon" he moaned.

Blue eyes rolled back, and Naruto reached down to pull at one of the bow tails and undo the knot, whipping it off and tossing it aside as his head flew back over Sasuke's shoulder and hit the shelf behind them.

Their bodies rocked in practiced unison, hips rolling forward, up, down over and over as both men moaned uncontrollably.

Naruto yelped in surprised bliss as his prostate was suddenly hit dead on, sending a bolt of ecstasy tearing throughout his body as Sasuke grinned behind him and proceeded to abuse the bundle of nerves. Naruto growled and turned his face to Sasuke's cheek, panting against it, "Hah…ahn…God it's fucking deep…"

Sasuke turned as well in response, devouring Naruto's sinful mouth with his own.

Naruto sighed into the kiss and reached down to grab his erection, swirling his thumb around the swollen head. He broke the kiss and used his free hand to tug at Sasuke's leg urgently, "Harder!"

Sasuke felt his dick pulse perversely at the order, he loved that Naruto was so fucking vocal during sex. He closed his teeth around the blonde's ear and snapped his hips up, forcing out a pleasured and loud cry from his lover.

Naruto grunted and moaned, "That's it" he panted in approval, thrusting back on Sasuke with as much strength as he could muster, feeling the Uchiha's erratic heartbeat against his back.

Sweat coated their skin in a fine sheen, and Naruto's body bowed, his lips parted in a silent scream as his eyes screwed shut and white hot pleasure burned him from inside out. His seed shot out in short spurts and stained the carpet as his hand jerked quickly up and down his shaft.

Sasuke stiffened, his cock swelling momentarily inside of Naruto before releasing his load and shuddering against the blonde, his senses racked with indescribable pleasure. Naruto's anus squeezed around him in response; milking him of everything he could give.

Both men were lost in their pleasure high for a few fuzzy minutes, slumped and boneless as they lay flush against one another.

Naruto smiled as Sasuke's arms lowered and moved out from under his knees, pale hands coming to rest on his shoulders before sliding down his arms and squeezing them affectionately. He turned to Sasuke and gave him a soft, chaste kiss, "Love you."

Sasuke nodded and buried his face into the space between Naruto's shoulder blades, still panting softly.

The blonde's smile shifted to a smirk as he reached down and slapped the inside of Sasuke's thigh playfully, "And Merry Christmas, _Santa_."

Sasuke's lip curled and he pulled out of Naruto before shoving him off, the younger male laughing as he did so.

Naruto grunted in slight pain as he stood up and reached for his boxers, sliding them on. Then he turned back to find Sasuke dressed in his as well, scanning the room for his pants. Naruto grinned at him and was about to say something when an unseen voice reached his ears, "Thank you for coming!"

Sasuke's head snapped up to Naruto, but the blonde shook his head and put his palms up, indicating the words hadn't come from him.

They exchanged confused looks and glanced at the tree, then both walked around it to find Kakashi leaning against the open door of the room, counting an insanely large amount of dollar bills in his hand. He glanced up at the boys, "Yes, thank you for 'coming' indeed."

Naruto flushed a deep red and Sasuke scowled, marching straight up to his boss, "What the fuck are you doing?" he demanded.

Kakashi smiled at him, "Counting the money I charged people to come watch the show. And what a show it was! I only charged five bucks, and I've got over a thousand-"

"You were _charging_ people to watch us have sex?!" Naruto hollered in disbelief.

Kakashi nodded, "I'll sell anything that's under the roof of my store. And," he looked up, "oh look, the roof!" He looked back down, "And look what else! You two are under it." He flicked some of the bills with his thumb and pulled them out, "A thousand bucks if you come back and do it again tomorrow."

Naruto stomped his foot on the ground, "_Hell_ no-"

"Done."

"What?! SASUKE!"

Sasuke took the money and shrugged, turning to his boyfriend with a smirk on his face, "Should've let me get the butt plug."

Damn, Sasuke thought, corrupting children, fucking Naruto to next Sunday, and getting 1800 bucks? Today turned out to be pretty damn good.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

lol, Sasuke and his butt plug fantasies.

Someone asked me the other day to "please put more dirty talk" in my lemons and I was like "uhhh" ~sweatdrop~

I mean I love dirty talk as much as the next fangirl, but I'm not very good at writing it. I just feel like it's so stupid for Naruto to be like, "Oh, your big cock's inside of me"

Sasuke would be like, "yeah dumbass, I'm aware of that" or "well, that's kinda the point" hot, but stupid. Other authors (like **michelerene** and **Master of the Rebels**) can pull it off…but not me, so I _tried_ the dirty talk but I also tried to make it…not lame.

Comments are love!

~HAPPY HOLIDAYS~

darkalbino

PS: if anyone would like to...you know...some wonderful talented person could maybe draw Sasuke in his...'provocative position' with the bow and ornaments and such...I wouldn't be opposed to the idea...at all ~awkward cough and pervy blush~


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